Le Tour de Jort

Thursday, August 19th saw the second semi-occasional outing of the JAC:GC with Le Tour de Jort. The event was widely celebrated as a triumph of both athleticism and jorts. Two more members graced GCB with their presence, meaning this blog and the Facebook page are doing their work! Fantastic.

The group started at Golden City Brewery (quickly beginning its climb to the top of the list as the best place to start anything in Golden) with a quick "Confidence Pint". It was here, amongst the hoots and hollers of the general GCB crowd, that jorts outfits were critiqued, assessed, and marveled upon.

Our two new participants, ready for the ride.

As the Colorado Summertime weather is wont to do, however, rain clouds threatened to put a premature end to our activites. We quickly assembled for our pre-ride stretch and group photo.

Due to the impending rain, we chose Woody's Wood-Fired Pizza as our first stop. They were horrified.

Truly Horrified

From there we began the long upward climb toward the top of Lookout Mountain. An arduous trek, this ride is considered one of the Front Range's best offerings for a quick morning training ride, as the steady climb at altitude will work your legs as well as your lungs. We of the JAC:GC are an inclusive group, however, and no one was left behind.

The weather continued to threaten our dryness, but before we quit, we had to make one final stop for some picturesque posing.

Truly Horrified

At this point, my camera battery lost its will to live, but we of the JAC:GC soldiered on!  Further on and further up!  The Windy Saddle approached, as did the looming blackness of dense rain, hail, and lightning.  Upon reaching our turnaround point, we looked to the West, able to see only our own future wetness.  Foregoing any further stretching, even though our hamstrings fairly burned with exertion, we promptly turned tail and fled the onslaught of foul weather, winding our way back down Lookout Mountain Rd. To our great fortune, we had outrun the darkest depths of the storm, and we made it to the Buffalo Rose in time for a couple pitchers and a few laughs before a damp ride home.

All in all, it was one very successful outing.  We wish you had made it!

Hello everyone! I had a dream the other night that I was giving a presentation on my research for a very important and high-powered job interview. Everything was going well until I realized that I was wearing jorts! Of course, I finished the interview with flying colors, got the job, made a boatload of money, and married the boss' hot daughter (with whom I had lots in common). Thank you, jorts!

Sadly, upon waking up, I realized that it was just a dream, but it was a dream I could work towards! To that end, I propose a second meeting of the JAC:GC this week! Last week saw the Running of the Jorts, and this week I feel it's time for the Tour de Jort! We'll ride our bikes from GCB up to the Windy Saddle on Lookout Road and then stop for stretching at the Buffalo Rose.

To those of you who are faint of heart about riding lookout, just remember that we're only going up halfway, and we'll be wearing jorts. As incredible a garment as jorts are, they simply don't protect you from chafing. We'll ride slow so everyone can join.

Meet at Golden City Brewery at 5:30 on Thursday, August 19.

Jorts Sighting!

Friends!  The past two days saw tremendous activity and growth in the Jorts Community.  We (The Golden Chapter) have officially doubled our numbers.  Welcome to all new members!  May your jorts fit well and fray better!

In even more exciting news, two of our brand new members managed to contribute stunning shots of their jorts in action!  While this blog remains (to my knowledge) un-findable on the Googles, only true fans of the JAC:GC can see these amazing photos of jorts in the wild.  Behold, in all their glory!

Those are some great jorts, sir!

This member boldly claims that his jorts have been shortened.  Hopefully he manages to avoid the all-too-common chafing caused by damp jorts.

These (honestly sweet) photos of jorts in action bring to mind an important topic for all of us here at JAC:GC: Haters.  Haters come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, and colors.  Those of you holding the pulse of the World Wide Web (WWW for short) may have caught wind of the Tim Tebow jorts scandal. Not only does this article clearly mis-label many styles of jorts,  (those so-called "hanging with the boys" jorts are clearly the classic "No-fray Pocket Shockers"!) it would seem that the very fabric of the article misleads the casual observer!  Tim Tebow may well be a fan of jorts, but who would know!? Those photos feature nothing but Photoshopped falsehoods!  Close inspection reveals subtle Photoshop giveaways.  I don't think I need to go into details but look closely, fellow members, and you'll find nothing but great jorts on an unwitting Tim Tebow!

Mr. Tebow, you deserve better. The JAC:GC would be honored to have you as a full-fledged member.  Upon receipt of an unmodified photo of you in jorts, you will receive all the benefits of membership in the JAC:GC. We look forward to your submission.

To those "satirists", to those haters who would defile the good name of jorts the world over, I say Good Day!

I SAID GOOD DAY!

The Running of the Jorts

The first commemorative Running of the Jorts was held yesterday (Monday August 9, 2010) to the great surprise and joy of all involved. Two pace bikers (in jorts, of course) led the pack from Golden's own Golden City Brewery down the Clear Creek path, whereupon all competitors made a stop to stretch and show off their pushup and pullup skills. (It was generally agreed that these skills need some work.) The pace bikers once again set off, this time leading the way through the trailer park and up to highway 6.  Not surprisingly, another stretching session broke out. Limber once again, the crew made its way up to 19th st, down to Ford, and back to the corner of 10th and Washington. Here the team began the post-run yoga poses, provoking mixed responses from passers-by. Fortunately for the members of the Jorts Athletic Club, the final leg of the journey took them past Golden's own Buffalo Rose, where they were met with positive catcalling and hooting from some pleased locals. The final stop brought the crew to Woody's Pizza.  Soulful rehashing of the evening's events ensued over delicious pizza and libations.

Thus ended the Running of the Jorts, Golden's first successful semi-occasional JAC:GC activity.  Stay tuned for photos (once our treasurer returns from the Great White North) and first hand accounts from the participants themselves!